Not just what we do in bed — but how we feel in bed.
As a sex therapist, I meet people — individuals and couples — who come in with this silent frustration: "We love each other...so why does physical intimacy feel off ?"
One of the most common, unspoken reasons? Their sex education came from porn.
Years of watching bodies that react instantly. Loud, scripted pleasure.
No awkwardness.
No talking.
No vulnerability.
So they enter real-life intimacy thinking, “This is how it's supposed to be.” But it doesn’t feel that way.
Because real sex isn’t choreographed. It’s not always instant, or hot, or dramatic.
It’s human.
It’s quiet.
It needs slowness, presence, and safety.
And here’s the real problem: When people try to copy what they’ve watched — they often feel like they’re doing everything right but still feel disconnected. Because they’ve learned from a source that never taught them how to ask, how to feel, how to pleasure with presence.
That’s not a personal failure. That’s just poor education.
If no one ever taught you how to explore sex from a place of connection, not performance — how would you know?
And this is exactly why therapy exists. Not to shame. Not to fix. But to help you unlearn what never really served you — and rebuild something more real.
We need more conversations like this. Not because something’s wrong with us — but because so much of what we learned… was never really true.
-Aashita Khanna
Clinical Psychologist(RCI) & Sex Therapist(USA)
