She’s 29. Married for 7 years. In love with her partner for 9.
They’ve shared a life, a home, countless birthdays, and now, a dream—to start a family.
But after all these years together, they still haven’t been able to consummate their marriage. Yes, 9 years in a deeply committed relationship—without penetrative sex. They’ve seen gynaecologists, urologists, endocrinologists— All reports: normal. All signs: green.
Yet the silence between them in bed grew louder. And so did the shame.
She came to me with trembling hands and a heavy heart. And slowly, the word neither of them could bring themselves to say began to surface: VAGINISMUS.
A condition that turns the most intimate act into something terrifying and painful. Not from lack of desire, but because the body remembers what the mind tries to ignore—fear, pressure, trauma, guilt, shame. For years, they mistook it for a medical problem. But this wasn’t a physical block—it was psychosexual, deeply emotional, and profoundly relational.
I share this because so many couples are silently suffering behind closed doors. They don’t always need more scans or prescriptions. They need therapists who are trained to hold space for the unseen intersections of mental health, intimacy, and embodiment.
Vaginismus is not rare. It’s underdiagnosed. And deeply misunderstood—even by many mental health professionals.
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