Names and details have been changed to protect privacy. This story reflects experiences many couples share.
In short: Meera and Karthik, a Bengaluru couple married for six years, slowly stopped talking about intimacy. Karthik read Meera's low desire as rejection, and Meera felt pressured. With online sex therapy they learned that different levels of desire are common, and that rebuilding closeness starts with conversation, not performance. Every couple's path is different, but this story shows what is possible when you ask for help.
The situation
Meera (34) and Karthik (36) both work in tech in Bengaluru. They met through family, married and settled into a busy life of deadlines, late calls and weekend errands. In the first years, intimacy felt natural. After a demanding project and a job change, Meera's desire dropped. She was tired, stressed and, in her words, "somewhere else in my head".
Neither of them said this out loud. Karthik began to wonder if she was no longer attracted to him. Meera began to feel guilty each time he moved closer, so she moved away first. Within a year, they were barely touching, and they were barely talking about it either.
What they tried first
Like many couples, they tried to fix it quietly:
• Waiting it out: "Once work calms down, things will go back to normal."
• Planning a holiday: the trip was lovely, but the awkwardness came back with them.
• Avoiding the topic: every conversation about it ended in an argument or in silence.
• Searching online: Karthik read articles that made him feel more rejected; Meera read ones that made her feel broken.
The arguments started showing up in other places: chores, plans, even what to watch in the evening. The real issue was never named.
The turning point
One night, after another tense evening, Meera typed into her phone: "why don't I want sex anymore". The more she read, the more she realised she did not need to figure this out alone. She told Karthik what she had found. It was the first honest conversation they had in months.
They decided to try an online session. Booking took a few minutes, and the thought that they could attend from their living room, without telling anyone and without sitting in a clinic waiting room, made it feel possible.
What therapy looked like
The first session was mostly about listening. The therapist asked each of them what had changed, what they missed and what they feared. Over the following sessions, a few ideas helped them:
• Desire is not the same for everyone. For many people, desire does not arrive first. It builds after closeness and feeling safe. Meera had been waiting to "feel like it" before anything happened, and Karthik had been taking her lack of initiation personally.
• Pressure kills desire. They agreed, for a while, to take sex off the table and focus on connection without any expectation of it leading anywhere.
• Small, gradual steps. They started with simple things: ten minutes of talking each day, then touch that did not need to lead to sex, then slowly widening from there at a pace both were comfortable with.
• Saying it plainly. They practised telling each other what they needed and what they feared, without blame.
It was not always easy. Some weeks felt like progress, and others felt like going backwards. Their therapist reminded them that this is a normal part of the process.
Where they are now
A few months later, Karthik says the biggest change is that he no longer takes things personally, and Meera says she no longer feels she has to hide how she feels. They talk more, argue less about small things and have found a rhythm of closeness that works for them. They still have busy weeks and still need to make time for each other. But they now know how to talk about it when something feels off.
Their story does not mean every couple will follow the same path or timeline. It does show that most of the time, intimacy problems are not about love running out. They are about silence, pressure and misunderstanding, and these can be worked on.
Three things to take from this story
1. Silence usually does more damage than the problem itself. Naming it, even awkwardly, is the first step.
2. Low desire is not rejection. It often has a cause such as stress, exhaustion, health or relationship strain, and it can be understood.
3. You do not have to fix this alone. A trained sex therapist can help both partners understand what is happening and move forward without blame.
What should a couple do when they have different levels of sexual desire?
Start by talking about it without blame, take the pressure off sex for a while, and understand what affects each partner's desire. If you stay stuck, a sex therapist can help. Different levels of desire are one of the most common concerns couples bring to therapy.
1. Talk at a calm time, not in bed or in the middle of an argument. Use "I feel" sentences, such as "I feel distant from you", instead of "you never".
2. Take the pressure off. Agree that for a period, closeness does not have to lead to sex.
3. Understand each other's triggers. Stress, tiredness, health, mood and feeling emotionally close can all change desire.
4. Build connection outside the bedroom: time together, touch, humour and shared routines.
5. Ask for help early. If the gap stays and causes distress, speak to a therapist.
Is low sexual desire in marriage normal in India?
Yes, it is common. Almost every married couple goes through phases of lower desire. Work stress, long commutes, caring for children or parents, tiredness, health issues, hormonal changes and unresolved conflict can all lower it. Because sex is rarely discussed openly in India, many people assume they are the only ones.
Low desire becomes a concern when it causes distress to you or your partner, or lasts for months. It is a good idea to see a doctor to rule out physical causes, and a sex therapist to work on the emotional and relationship side.
Can couples therapy help with a sexless marriage?
Yes, it can. A sexless marriage has no single definition, but it is commonly described as a marriage where a couple has sex very rarely, often around ten times a year or less. What matters more is whether the situation feels right for both partners.
Therapy helps by finding the reasons behind the distance, improving communication, reducing pressure and rebuilding closeness in gradual steps. It does not guarantee a particular result, but many couples find that having a safe, guided space makes a hard conversation possible.
How do couples rebuild intimacy after years of silence?
Rebuilding intimacy is gradual. It usually begins with conversation, not sex.
1. Break the silence once. Say something simple: "I miss us, and I want to work on this."
2. Set a small routine, such as ten minutes of talking every day with phones away.
3. Bring back non-sexual touch, like holding hands, hugs and sitting close.
4. Share what you need and what you fear, without blaming.
5. Be patient with setbacks. Progress is rarely a straight line.
6. Get guidance if you keep falling back into the same pattern.
Which sex therapist in Bengaluru offers online sessions?
Kama Health India offers confidential online sessions for individuals and couples in Bengaluru and across India. It was founded by Aashita Khanna, a licensed clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist, and sessions are led by licensed experts in a safe, non-judgemental space.
To get started, choose a session on the Therapy Plans page, pick a slot, and the team will connect with you on WhatsApp and assign a therapist. You can attend from home in Bengaluru, with no travel needed. Learn more about the team on the Our Team page.
When should you ask for help?
Consider speaking to a therapist if:
• You and your partner have stopped talking about intimacy
• One of you feels rejected, pressured or guilty
• Arguments about small things keep hiding the real issue
• The situation has lasted for months
• You want to understand it before it grows
Ready to talk? Book a session or contact the team.
Frequently asked questions
What is mismatched desire?
Mismatched desire means one partner wants sex or closeness more often than the other. It is very common and does not mean something is wrong with the relationship. It becomes a concern when it leads to hurt, distance or constant arguments.
Is low desire in a marriage normal?
Yes, phases of low desire are common and are often linked to stress, tiredness, health or relationship strain. If it lasts for months or causes distress, speak to a doctor to rule out physical causes and to a sex therapist for the emotional side.
Can couples therapy help with low desire?
Yes, it can. A therapist helps you understand what is affecting desire, improve communication, reduce pressure and rebuild closeness step by step. Results vary from couple to couple and depend on both partners taking part.
How is a sexless marriage defined?
There is no single definition. It is commonly described as having sex very rarely, often around ten times a year or less. What matters most is whether both partners are comfortable with the situation.
Can I do therapy online from Bengaluru?
Yes. You can attend sessions online from home in Bengaluru with a phone or laptop, a stable internet connection and a private room. You book a slot, connect with the team on WhatsApp and are assigned a therapist.
Names and details in the story have been changed. This article is educational and is not a substitute for medical advice.
